Lonely is an Eyesore

 

Remember the band Danny Wilson?  They were around during the late 80s and a true one hit wonder.  Danny Wilson was not a person.  It was the name of the band.  I remember that much.  I kind of remembered their one minor hit, “Mary’s Prayer.”  It was the only song of theirs that I ever consciously knew.  For some reason, one that I do not understand, I’ve been thinking about that song lately.  Sometime last week, I dialed up YouTube and looked up that music video.  I couldn’t remember ever having seen it before, but it has been 33 years since it was in my consciousness.  It had been so long that the song hadn’t found its way into my head, because I honestly couldn’t quite remember how it went.  It was simply inexplicably in my thoughts as a thing.  It turns out that it’s a pretty good song, which is surprising since I so often can’t seem to prevent songs that I do not like from repeating in my head for weeks on end (this means you Cher and your “If I could Turn Back Time” and “Believe,” Live and your “Lightning Crashes,” and your horrific “Lovin’ Every Minute of it” by Loverboy, among many others).  After watching the video, which is very fashion conscious, I crawled into the rabbit hole and watched several videos from Swing Out Sister and Alphabet City era ABC, during that period during the late 80s when the UK was pumping out endless streams of lite jazz/pop hybrid artists that were later coined as sophisti-pop.  They emerged from the shadows of the Style council, Spandau Ballet, Sade and eventually morphed into forgettable things like Curiosity Killed the Cat and Johnny Hates Jazz.  Luckily my journey morphed as well.  I stopped with ABC and veered toward the 80s Liverpool bands I loved so much back then.  As a long awaited rain fell down outside, I got chills listening to old Julian Cope, Echo and the Bunnymen, and the Wild Swans.

 

I ended up listening to all of Bringing Home the Ashes, the long awaited debut album from the Wild Swans, which was easily my favorite album of 1988, and really one of my favorites of all time.  The stunning guitar work from Jeremy Kelly is absolutely immaculate.  His clearly plucked dreamy melodies and solos are the kind that my ears still seek from music to this day.  The album is also layered with a disconcerting background howl, like the sound of a distant warning horn calling out through a dense fog or smoke.  These wonderful guitar sounds blend perfectly with band leader Paul Simpson’s romantic and poetic lyrics, which are dripping with powerful imagery, heartbreaking snapshots of life amongst the downtrodden, and yet they’re filled with optimism for a better future.  The Wild Swans created a cohesive LP that begs to be heard from start to finish and, at least in my case, listened to over and over again, as I have continued to do. 

This album captured my ears at a time when my passion for music was growing exponentially by the week, and was a massive part in setting the stage for music as my go to companion for all occasions, especially those dark, inconsolable moments of heartache and heartbreak when it is most difficult to reach out.  Music is more reliable and present than any friend or family member ever could be, but, as I’ve learned this year, it cannot replace human companionship.  As this pandemic has continued on for month after month, I have found that not even music has been able to fully lift me up above the oppressive current of bleakness that keeps washing over all of us.  Isolation is hard enough to take, especially while still fully aware of the barrage of bad news happening to the planet, to people in our communities, people afar, and to those close to us – all while feeling absolutely helpless.

 

Listening to these songs from so long ago brought back a memory I haven’t considered since they were still fairly new.  Sometime during my high school years, I began to post excerpts of song lyrics from many of the songs that were impacting me at that time.  Making mix tapes for people, DJing School dances, babbling endlessly about music, and wearing concert t-shirts nearly every day, apparently, was not enough.  It was simple, I would take a blank sheet of paper and write out the lyric quote with blue and/or black Bic pens and attribute the words to the band, and at the start of the school day I would tape a sheet to the outside of my locker.  It didn’t happen every day, I do not remember what year it began, or how long I continued to do this.  The Wild Swans were well represented, as were the Smiths, the Cure, Depeche Mode, Sonic Youth, Husker Du, the Replacements, Swans, New Model Army, the Go-Betweens, Pixies, and many others.  There was a lot of Joy Division as well – a lot of Joy Division.  I think the first one I ever posted was from Throwing Muses from their song “Fish”:

“Lonely is as lonely does

Lonely is an eyesore” 

There was no particular reason for these sheets, other than possibly a lame advertisement attempting to get my classmates curious about the sources of these cryptic words.  I think what kept me doing it is that no one really ever said anything about them.  One time, after a Morrissey quote had been set in place, Mrs. Boyden, the advanced level math and French teacher told me that she thought the words were too whiney.  Fair enough.  I’m pretty sure I replied with a chuckle and a “Yah!”  Otherwise, it was radio silence.  Often times, the posting would disappear sometime during the school day, or get damaged – torn, shredded, and stomped on, as if it (or I) rubbed someone the wrong way.  I was never alerted as to why in either case.  Again, no one ever approached me to find out what the hell I was doing.  The silence only encouraged me to continue mildly bemused, until I eventually got bored and the whole thing petered out.

Hearing those old tunes may have been an unconscious attempt to rekindle that love and passion for music (cue “If I Could Turn Back Time”) that has been dwindling rapidly from my life.  Starting from scratch.  It has helped a little.  I’ve actually turned my stereo on a few times since to listen to an album or three since that rainy afternoon last week, after going several weeks without doing so.  It’s fascinating to consider the massive fire that ignited in me back then which has burned relentlessly all of these years.  Music has taken me on many adventures, down many different roads, and has exposed me to so much. Many of my friendships have been earned through a shared passion for music.  I have learned more than I could have ever imagined.  It has expanded my very small world.  It’s difficult for me to imagine all of that in tatters like one of those lyric posters that I used to find scattered across the floor of the high school hallway near my locker.  To be honest, I don’t have a plan B.  I know a lot of us are struggling dealing with this pandemic.  Personally, I went in already really depressed.  I'm used to crawling out of the darkness through music.  Without the electric infusion I’ve always received from the music I love, I do not know how to face life.