Each year when I take time away from work and pretty much anything else that is part of my daily life to attend the annual LPGA event here in Portland, I am reminded of one very specific thing: the way I live my life needs to change. It becomes more acute each year.
I’ve written incessantly and repetitively in this blog over the last few years about my obsession with attending this tournament – the Portland Classic (see Summerside, The Clown via LPGA.com, Numb, and Sparkle in the Rain for past recaps). What began as a tournament that I sheepishly checked out on a whim in 2010 has now turned into my only planned days off from work and the main thing I look forward to each year. This past weekend proved that the shine is not wearing off. This was probably the best one yet! Each year I throw myself into this event with more and more gusto and keep adding ways to get more involved. It is this sign of life and burst of energy and enthusiasm that emphasizes each time how unhappy I am with much of my life outside of this annual week long event.
|Hee Young Park working at Bro Dogs|
I was able to meet two professionals during the early week Pro-Ams that I volunteer caddied for: the delightfully chatty and energetic Irene Coe, early Monday morning (who sadly had to withdraw from the tournament due to back pain), and the fantastic Swedish major winner Anna Nordqvist on the hot Wednesday afternoon prior to tournament play the next morning. A friend also gave me VIP passes to the “Champions Club,” which is the hospitality tent perched behind the 18th green at all golf tournaments - the ones where people eat and drink for free and seem to live a life I don’t really understand.
|Jee Young Lee putting|
I bring this up, because I have often joked about how I hope that an LPGA player takes me on as her caddy – snagging me out of the crowd during the tournament. How I want one of them to take me away and rescue me from the sludge and grind I dwell in 51 weeks a year. I honestly don’t know if I would enjoy caddying. I don’t know if I have the desire to travel that much and have the guts to live without the security of a regular paycheck (only a select few caddies get that steady money making machine player on the pro golf circuit), and I would worry about my health care. But the message rang out loud and clear. I need to find a new direction. It is past time to begin forging a new life – a new direction. I need to learn how to let go of the security of doing what I always do, and have always done, and start the search for what will make me want to get out of bed each day. I know life will always have its ups and downs, but maybe those down times won’t seem so insurmountable if I actually feel a little better about myself.