Memories Fade

 

In the Spring of 1985, I was in the 8^th grade.  I have a vivid memory of getting dressed up for my class’ 8^th grade graduation ceremony.  I put on my best dress pants, wore the only non-basketball shoes I had, I put on my prized new sport coat, which was black and filled with colorful speckles, which buttoned over by my left arm at the waist – like a jacket from the 80s should.  I was in my bedroom listening to the Portland Top 40 station Z100 as I did much of the time in those days.  They were playing Tears for Fears’ “Shout,” which I was pretty enamored with.  This coincided with the time, like many people, that I was developing my own real tastes in music and was soon to have income.  Later that summer, I obtained my first real job and began buying records.  It was mostly top 40 stuff – dance remixes and albums.  Of course, I purchased TFF’s second LP Songs from the Big Chair and all of its related singles.  Even though that album was a massive hit and a huge part of the mainstream’s consciousness, it still managed to feel a little different than everything else around it.  I mean it was a hit record that was inspired by the disturbing movie Sybil, about a woman suffering from a psychological breakdown (during my senior year of high school, one of our teachers showed us that movie starring Sally Field in class.  I still marvel at how I think it took two weeks of class time to muddle through.)!  Tears for Fears was my major gateway band. 

Around this time, I noticed that most of the songs I heard and liked on Top 40 radio were the ones that would disappear from playlists quickly or barely crack the Top 40 and I was fascinated by b-sides.  I especially loved the experimental and strange b-sides on the back of TFF’s hit singles.  This is when I became obsessed and began buying all the music I could.  I purchased TFF’s debut album The Hurting, and all of its related singles.  I began having crazy dreams about finding non-existent limited-edition vinyl singles at the local grocery store with exclusive b-sides.  When I look back on it, I realize that this was very unhealthy.  The Hurting was a giant album for me.  It is so isolating and it was strangely identifiable for me (I was generally a happy go lucky kid).  I loved and still love its unbelievably aggressive darkness.  It is so sad.  So tragic.  It can be difficult to listen to.  It’s a cry for help, not a pop album!  But wow, did I lose myself in it.  Next up, I learned about the usual suspects from the time: Depeche Mode, The Cure, The Smiths, Joy Division/New Order, etc. and it went from there in a hurry.  By the time I was graduating high school, I had gone through a goth phase, a punk phase (first UK, then different regions of the US), an industrial phase, a NO WAVE phase.  When I was dressing for graduation, I was likely listening to “God Damn the Sun” by Swans or a My Bloody Valentine or a The House of Love EP from Creation Records.  Like many people, I feel a great nostalgia for the music of those formative years, but I’m mostly nostalgic for the sense of discovery and wonder this journey provided me.  I still love the thrill of learning about new music and artists, but it will never come as fast and as extensively as then.

This is on my mind, because I recently ran across a live set of Tears for Fears from the German TV show Rockpalast recorded in 1983 that was a revelation.  Not only is it a high-quality documentation, but it is an excellent performance.  I never really considered this music “live”-ready.  The performance loosens up the extreme stiffness of the LP, but remains tight and measured.  It hit me with a lot of emotions, including nostalgia, and reminded me how horribly claustrophobic and depressing those early songs are.  It also sends me down black holes of thought.  Like how when I listen to younger and current artists like COLD BEAT or CASTLEBEAT, or many others that tap into an 80s sound, no one has made it like TFF did then – not even them!   I thank them for sending me on this continuing musical journey!

Tears for Fears "Memories Fade"